Discouraged much?

What to do when you get discouraged? I guess I'm having a bit of a down moment. Why? It's the Thanksgiving season. Shouldn't I be over-joyed and giving thanks for all I have; instead of being a downer for what I don't?

I got an email the other day from a friend. Well, I guess I don't know what she is to me. We were friends, at least I think we were. But that was back in our middle school days. The last time I spoke with her was a year ago next month. Anyway, I digress. She is back in socal visiting family and asked if I would be available to see her. I gave her a list of days and approximate times I would be available. Then, a few days later (yesterday), she sends me and another girl a joint email saying that they have "decided it would be fun if the three of us could get together", like really? Thanks, but I don't really want to see the other person. In fact, I have been back in San Diego for OVER a YEAR now and every attempt I've made at getting together with this other person has been shot down or blown-off. Not to mention the fact that she owes me a couple thousand dollars. Also, the day and time they want to get together doesn't really work well for me. 6pm on Wednesday? My son goes to be at 7:30pm and I work Thursday (Thanksgiving) so have to be up early. Of course the email response from me mentions those facts and that Monday (today) or Tuesday (tomorrow) would work better for me...no response from the "friend", but the other girl messages that Wednesday at 6pm works for her. Well, have fun. I wont be there.

I guess it just brought me back into the reality that is my life right now. I have pretty much zero friends and not from lack of trying to get together with people. But that is also part of the issue I have. Why do I have to put in all the effort? I am the only one that asks people to make time for me, and then they say they would love to "but" they are not available at that time, had something come up, husband this or husband that, or family this or family that, or they just ignore me until after the fact and then apologize.

Now, that's not the part that bothers me so much. It's me that bothers me. It's the unknown. The reasons behind the neglect of our relationships, or lack there of. Why don't they want to see me? If they did, they would make time. Obviously it must be me. Silly to think these things, I know. I try to avoid these thoughts, but some times they sneak through.

So what is it I do to lift my spirits? I sing a little song, do a little dance, get down tonight...oh wait, no. I just sing, dance, hug my son, eat healthy(ish) desserts, maybe indulge in a glass of wine, and write in my journal (or on here).

Something I learned a long time ago: If I love myself, then the fact that they don't love me doesn't really matter. Why should them liking me be more important than me liking myself? It shouldn't. So it doesn't.

*Deep breath in, roll the shoulders back, deep breath out* repeat if necessary.